nOISES fROM tHE bEDROOM

Remote Control

 

When she said she loved me

Luminous and lovely

It was the pinnacle of my existence

Broke down all of my resistance

So we planned the wedding

Bought some brand new bedding

That we could wake together every morning

I gave her just one gentle warning

 

Don’t mess with my remote control

I told her

 

I could not imagine

Any greater passion

Our love was steamier than the equator

To each and every whim she catered

Still I had suspicions

Left my phone positioned

To catch her eating chips while watching Oprah

Greasy fingers struck like cobras

 

Don’t mess with my remote control

I told her

 

We hold this truth to be self-evident

Remotes should always be held reverent

She violated the control etiquette

Boo hoo, what’s a poor boy to do

When his wedding bed becomes Waterloo?

 

Put the past behind us

Cannot let it bind us

I feel no bitterness or acrimony

Sending monthly alimony

And I’ve learned my lessons

Gotta count your blessings

She may be loving, loyal, kind, and caring

But some things just ain’t made for sharing

 

Don’t mess with my remote control

I told her