Your Honor, it has been brought to our attention that a certain high-profile commercially successful band of the alleged “Punk Rock” persuasion has waded recklessly into the murky waters of copyright infringement by adopting, with calculated premeditation and malicious intent, the name “Demolicious” for a release of various songs in the form of a so-called “album.” If it please the court, I, Pinky Tourette, must insist that these poseur and posturers relinquish that album title – regardless of the fact that they used it years before Thee Tourettes, making this an even more flagrant example of pernicious theft and misuse – and turn over all profits therefrom to Thee Tourettes post-haste.

 

While we, the plaintiffs, are fully aware that an album title cannot be copyrighted, there is certainly sufficient precedent for ignoring the legal statutes and granting us this action immediately and with extreme prejudice. And if not, then there will be once we win this case, which makes it even more important that the court move swiftly to correct this grievous injustice and do the right and appropriate thing, regardless of petty and inconvenient judicial details like the law.

 

By way of background, Thee Tourettes recorded Demolicious – THEIR Demolicious, the REAL Demolicious – over the course of years, in fits and spurts. And spews and outbursts. And a few gushes. After recording in all the world’s top studios over the course of their monumental career, including Abbey Road, Trident, Muscle Shoals, Sun Studios, the Rolling truck Stones thing, Electric Lady (who can forget their runaway bestselling budget collection, Electric Petland Discounts?), the girls opted to return to their roots for a rough-hewn release recalling their very earliest recordings, before their breakout into international pop superstardom.

 

Songs for Demolicious were not so much crafted as simply allowed to ooze into existence. Initial tracks were laid down in Doc’s basement, as she extemporaneously kicked out the jellies and pooted forth hundreds of brilliant progressions. Dopey dove into this bottomless pit of creativity and pulled forth 11 stellar nuggets that she took back to her bedroom and beat with hammer and tongs into the shape that emerged as Demolicious.

 

The decision was made collectively by the band to release the final product in raw form, rather than slick it up with their usual crystalline production values. Instead they enlisted band associate and notorious jet-set party animal Michael Way-Fuffin to help capture a more ragged and chaotic sound. Michael, with his perennial monocle, cane, and top hat, is best known as the model for the Johnny Walker logo, and prior to this recording had zero experience in actual music production, remarking to one contemporary interviewer that “honey, the only mixing I understand is Molly, midnight, and men, men, men.”

 

The band auditioned engineers to capture the recording and unanimously picked Juana B., who wandered in accidentally off the street looking for a Blockbuster Video store to return a VHS tape of Pee Wee’s Big Top that she borrowed 18 years ago and recently found buried in her cat’s litter box. Her hostile attitude and utter lack of experience won the band over immediately.

 

Together the team assembled the masterpiece that is Demolicious, bookending this phase of their career with a brilliant throwback to their primal initial recordings that long ago served as inspiration, springboard, and linchpin for countless “lo-fi” luminaries including Pavement, Guided by Voices, Daniel Johnston, and Jandek.

 

In summation, I submit that the defendants should be found shamefully guilty of “predictive plagiarism” for hijacking the title “Demolicious” more than half a decade before Thee Tourettes released their album of the same name, and that absolute ownership of anything bearing the name “Demolicious” should be granted to Thee Tourettes in perpetuity, with penalties to include, but not be limited to, all profits therefrom, all court costs, compensation for mental anguish to our bandmembers for this sorely devastating experience, and the refund of $24.99 plus tax and shipping to Ms. Iris Minge of Lake Coppasquat, New Jersey, who tragically purchased the incorrect album online thinking she was getting The Tourettes’ recording.

 

We patiently await your wise and measured judgment with complete confidence that you will rightfully decide in our favor. Once you do, please deliver the proceeds in cash, not a check, to Norton’s Pub, down at the end of Lonely Street, where we will be eagerly awaiting the moolah.