DEMO
LICIOUS
Thee Tourettes are seven sordid sisters born in the back of a stolen Econoline Van abandoned in the Hy-Way Bowl parking lot on Route 22 on the seventh day of the seventh month of a year with 365 Mondays in it. Their father was either an itinerant roadie, a drug dealer, or a statue of Shelby Malingerer, the inventor of myopia. Possibly all three. The girls never knew their mother, who left long before they were born.
was the subject of a media frenzy and countless conspiracy theories when she vanished mysteriously in the middle of a tour with the Wu-Tang Clan, forcing Justin Trudeau to fill in on vocals for the remainder of the gigs. Dopey was later discovered wedged between the cushions in Patton Oswalt’s couch, where she had subsisted contentedly on Oreo crumbs and lint for 17 months. How the elephant got in her pajamas, we’ll never know.
the oldest, is often cited as having “a heart as big as all outdoors” – a serious medical condition that causes her to lean precariously to the left at all times.
developed a cure for world hunger and has been aggressively marketing it online through Patreon. Unfortunately, a worldwide cabal of cross-eyed hermaphroditic communist aliens has aligned to keep her creation, Soylent Brown, from making it to market.
often referred to as “the Indian of the group,” is a savant who can pick up any instrument and play like a master within minutes. Stung by guilt over her superior abilities while others have to slave and drill and practice endlessly to achieve even mediocrity, she intentionally plays as poorly as possible to make them feel better.
.jpg)
the seventh and youngest sister and the only one with four legs and a tail, spent two seasons as an unpaid intern at a brothel in New Orleans before skipping out when it became apparent she wasn’t receiving college credits for her services.
once curled up and nodded off inside the bass drum of Philthy Animal Taylor's kit when Motorhead opened for the Tourettes at Budokan. When Phil discovered he loved the sound, Sleepy agreed to spend the rest of the tour inside the drum.
is the mystery sister. Little is known of Bashful, other than her tendency to get violent with biographers, so we're simply going to say goodnight, Dick, and discreetly exit stage left.